She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize