Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
