i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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