I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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