I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
