it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
