I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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