they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
