i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
