If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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