Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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