i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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