I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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