Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
