a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
