Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
