I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Someone came in the potted fern
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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