Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
