How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
one two three fourrrrnication!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
