You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
