I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
