I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
