I wanna bring you to show and tell
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
