I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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