Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
