I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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