Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
