Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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