the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize