sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
