We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
