I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
