sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
