did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
