no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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