just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
