Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
