I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
