the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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