And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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