Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In America we eat man semen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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