i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
