you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
