she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sext me about skeletons
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
