then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
