I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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