I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
