Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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