why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize