I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
