I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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