i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
