tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
