Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
