I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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