I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
