Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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