sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize