id be glad to
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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