i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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