Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
