I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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