i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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