thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
