there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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